Pope Alert - Robert Mugabe arrives at Pope's funeral

Robert Mugabe, the righteous and fairly elected president of Zimbabwe, arrived Thursday in Rome to join world leaders attending Pope John Paul II's funeral. In a surprise move, Mugabe held a press conference just after deplaning to announce that he had just been elected the next Pope by a unanimous vote. Some journalists began to ask Mugabe how this was possible, as the Conclave had not yet begun. Mugabe responded to these queries by sprinting to St. Peter's, jumping into the chair of St. Peter and declaring it Catholic doctrine that it is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit and therefore an unforgivable sin to question the legitimacy of his election to the Papacy. Mugabe also annouced that from now on his official title will be: "The Dually and Completely Fairly Elected, in Such a Manner as Only Racist White-Devil Colonialist Oppressors Could Possibly Doubt His Legitimacy, Pope Bob"