Pope Retrospective or Poptrospective

Well, its been over 24 hours since we saw all the hard work and effort put into getting Devin elected Pope crash and burn faster than Kevin Mass's career. As with all such campaigns, when you have lost it's time to take stock of things, to find out where you could have done things differenlty and, most importantly, to place blame. So let's take a look back at the reasons Devin is not the Pope:

• The most obvious reason we lost and therefore the most obvious people to throw under the bus are the campaign staff, after all if it were not for that silly photo shoot of me trying to catch a greased pig, I might be Pope right now. The only problem is, I didn't actually hire any campaign staff. So, I'm just gonna go ahead and blame this on Bob Shrumm, its not like he'll notice having another loss on his record.
• Probably should have known Satan would hedge his bets and make deals with severeal candidates.
• Never getting that endorsement from Billy Ocean was not the best of moves.
• Teapot Dome Scandal.
• Scandal - "The Warrior".
• Racism...I'm not really sure how electing a German instead of an Irish-American is racist, but just in case I ever do, I want to get this on record from the beginning.
• Jimmy Carter - bastard.
• Should have made a bigger deal out of them letting 17 former felons vote in the Conclave.
• Got killed on a boar hunt.
• Never should have publically stated my belief in the primacy of the Bishop of Edmonton.
• Should have noticed when Germany started building tanks and airplanes in defiance of the Treaty of Versailles.
• Recently beat the Holy Spirit in pick-up game of hoops...should have just let him win...
• Misdirection of advertising dollars (in my defense, I just assumed Hustler was widely read in the College of Cardinals).
• Plastics.
• Should have responded quicker to charges of Pelagianism.
• The candidate's lack of service in the Swiss guard certainly did not help (this isn't really my fault, as I'm not Swiss and look very bad in blue, orange and yellow parachute pants).
• In retrospect, lobbying for the female vote might not have been the best use of time.
• Needed a better Lefty specialist out of the bullpen.
• Jimmy Carter - jerk.
• The revelations of my attempts to have a Catholic and an Eastern Orthodox mate to create a Cathodox (bred for their skills in magic) may have driven some voters away.
• Basing most of my theological positions on Indiana Jones movies was not a great idea.