Know Thy Enemy: Martin Luther

Blatantly stealing the conceit for this post from Frank J:

Know Thy Enemy: Martin Luther

• Martin Luther was German and, in keeping with his cultural tradition, invaded Poland on his 21st birthday.
• Martin Luther is Lex Luthor's Great, great, great, great, great grandfather - if you like Superman you probably shouldn't be Protestant.
• Martin Luther had webbed toes, just like Aquaman.
• The plot of the pilot episode of "Caroline in the City" was based on the 95 Theses.
• Marting Luther's banging away on the cathedral door to put up his 95 Theses was the inspiration for Jehovah's Witness door-to-door prostelatizing and, later, for telemarketing.
• Thesis 47 was: "celibacy, schmelabacy. I may be a monk but I wanna get laid."
• Martin Luther made a sequel to the 95 Theses called the 104 Contestations that was mostly made up of complaints about the declining quality Adam Sandler movies since Happy Gilmore.
• You know that thing that annoying kids do, where they put their finger right up in your face and say "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you"? That was Martin Luther's idea.
• Theses weren't the only things Martin Luther nailed to a cathedral door. In fact, Church doors all over German were covered with kittens, free 1000 hours of AOL cd-roms, poster's for his band's gigs, other church's doors -pretty much anything he could drive a nail through.
• Thesis 69 was just "hehehehehe".
• Martin Luther was actually just the Patriarch of Constantinople in a mask, and he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those darn kids.
• Martin Luther accused the Pope of being corrupt, to which charge the Pope replied "Bite Me".
• Martin Luther sided with the band when David Lee Roth was kicked out of Van Halen.*
• Martin Luther's 95 Theses has spread all over the world and changed the lives of millions. And now, in this limited time offer you too can own a copy of 95 Theses for just three easy payments of $31.66. Call now: 1-800 95-these and leave off the last "s" for savings.
• Martin Luther briefly starred in the Broadway production of "Jekyll and Hyde", but was let go after only 2 weeks when the producers managed to land Skid Row's Sebastian Bach.
• Martin Luther's lack of a follow-up hit to "95 Theses" lead to him recently being featured on VH1's "100 Greatest One Hit Wonders". He was, ironically, number 96.
• Come on, 95 Theses, you can't think of 5 more and make it an even hundred you lazy bastard.

*yes, damn right I'm gonna steal jokes from Airheads