Qualifications

23 Reasons why Devin is qualified to be Pope

1. Devin cares enough to campaign, unlike all the other candidates.

2. Devin attended Catholic school, and not just high school, he's got 13 years of catholic school: kindergarten through high school, with both nuns and monks, there by running the virtual gamut of Catholic teaching techniques.

3. In school Devin studied Latin.

4. Devin looks good in hats.

5. Devin enjoys travel.

6. Devin is proficient in Microsoft Word and Excel.

7. Devin has t-shirts.

8. Devin is an American, and it’s about damn time for an American pope.

9. Devin is a confirmed catholic male, thereby meeting all of the Cannon Law requirements to be pope.

10. Devin still has all his hair.

11. Devin likes pizza, which is good if one lives in Rome.

12. Devin always say "Bless you" when someone sneezes, despite feeling nothing but complete contempt for Bridget Fonda's character in "Singles" and having gotten physically ill upon watching "Point of No Return".

13. Devin has a lot of DVDs, which is important because there is nothing to do in Vatican City after dark.

14. Devin has experience in parades. Granted this experience is as a clown in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, but I still think that knowing how to carry oneself in a parade is an important skill for any pope, or patriarch for that matter.

15. Devin attended Jim Abbott's no-hitter in 1993 (the man has one hand and threw a no-hitter while Devin was there --- you think maybe just maybe God had a bit to do with it?).

16. While Devin has no confirmed miracles, Devin is more than willing to give it a shot.

17. Devin went to college; he'd be an edumicated Pope.

18. Devin own comfortable shoes. (an underrated part of being pope).

19. Devin is not allergic to incense or vespas (or vespers for that matter).

20. Devin has a powerful singing voice, by no means a good one, but a powerful one none the less.

21. Devin also stood up to the Soviet Union like our current pope...granted he was in grammar school when the Berlin Wall fell down, but I firmly believe that the money spent on his G.I Joes directly helped bring down the Iron Curtain.

22. Devin is only 26, there will be no need for another papal election for many years, and given how divisive elections can be (as all of us Americans have learned in the last few years) - this would likely bring about a virtual Pax Devinscum throughout Christendom.

23. "Pope Devin the Quizzical" has a nice ring to it.