International Women's Day
Today is International Women's Day, or maybe its Intyrnational Women's Day, I'm not to hip to the lingo--err, spelling. The topic of women priests has already been covered in this space, so I am not going to go back over the issue. Instead, I am going to look at another way that the Church is currently looking into to deal with the shortage of priests: Online Mass.
Through this innovation, a priest in East St. Louis with a cable modem, elementary typing skills and a true heart would be able to say mass to Catholics from the mightily Allegheny River to the disappointing Green River; everyone just pop into the same Chatroom on Sunday morning, and let the praying begin.
Think of the time that will be saved: when the priest tells people to "share the peace of Christ", instead of turning around and shaking hands and all that, you can just shoot of a few "PBWU"s and move on. Most churches have paypal accounts, so it'll be equally quick and easy to "pass the basket". Plus you can choose your own music; when the usher IMs you to "please rise for our opening hymn", you can just pop open you MP3s and pick whatever song you like (personally, I'm going for "Jesus Built My Hotrod" today). Let's also talk multi-tasking: its Sunday morning you got errands up the wazoo to run, but you also need to go to church - well, now its not a problem, just take out your blackberry or Sidekick and you can be buying brisket and listening to today's First Reading all at once.
This invention need not only be used for Mass, either. Think of it, you've got a few spare minutes at work, why not IM the Monsignor your confession? Got a new baby, a laptop and a water fountain? Then baptize away old boy. On your death bed in a mountain cabin made inaccessible due to heavy snow? Well, no problem, let Father Roddy email you the last rites and you'll be in heaven before the first spring thaw.
This should also do wonders for families where the parents are different religions. We've all been there: its Sunday morning, Mom is getting ready to go to worship at the local Baptist church and Dad is putting on his best for a trip to mass at St. Non's Catholic Church down on Leek Street, but where should little Timmy go?!?! Well, worry no more. Now each member of the family can just logon to their computers and go to whatever religious chatroom they want, while still being together as a family and watching the Saints' game.
The only thing preventing this innovation taking hold is Communion, no one has yet figured out how to get the host to worshippers...At first we were thinking of a Kozmo.com kind of thing, but as they failed miserably, its back to square one.
There is also the potential problem of people with slower modems falling behind the rest of the worshippers (then, right as the mass is about to end, all these PBWUs start flying around from some dude in Milwaukee with a 56k modem who finally managed to download the liturgy of the Eucharist), but this is really more of an annoyance than a real problem with the idea.
So there you have it, eventually we may only need the Pope online all day Sunday and no other priests at all.
Through this innovation, a priest in East St. Louis with a cable modem, elementary typing skills and a true heart would be able to say mass to Catholics from the mightily Allegheny River to the disappointing Green River; everyone just pop into the same Chatroom on Sunday morning, and let the praying begin.
Think of the time that will be saved: when the priest tells people to "share the peace of Christ", instead of turning around and shaking hands and all that, you can just shoot of a few "PBWU"s and move on. Most churches have paypal accounts, so it'll be equally quick and easy to "pass the basket". Plus you can choose your own music; when the usher IMs you to "please rise for our opening hymn", you can just pop open you MP3s and pick whatever song you like (personally, I'm going for "Jesus Built My Hotrod" today). Let's also talk multi-tasking: its Sunday morning you got errands up the wazoo to run, but you also need to go to church - well, now its not a problem, just take out your blackberry or Sidekick and you can be buying brisket and listening to today's First Reading all at once.
This invention need not only be used for Mass, either. Think of it, you've got a few spare minutes at work, why not IM the Monsignor your confession? Got a new baby, a laptop and a water fountain? Then baptize away old boy. On your death bed in a mountain cabin made inaccessible due to heavy snow? Well, no problem, let Father Roddy email you the last rites and you'll be in heaven before the first spring thaw.
This should also do wonders for families where the parents are different religions. We've all been there: its Sunday morning, Mom is getting ready to go to worship at the local Baptist church and Dad is putting on his best for a trip to mass at St. Non's Catholic Church down on Leek Street, but where should little Timmy go?!?! Well, worry no more. Now each member of the family can just logon to their computers and go to whatever religious chatroom they want, while still being together as a family and watching the Saints' game.
The only thing preventing this innovation taking hold is Communion, no one has yet figured out how to get the host to worshippers...At first we were thinking of a Kozmo.com kind of thing, but as they failed miserably, its back to square one.
There is also the potential problem of people with slower modems falling behind the rest of the worshippers (then, right as the mass is about to end, all these PBWUs start flying around from some dude in Milwaukee with a 56k modem who finally managed to download the liturgy of the Eucharist), but this is really more of an annoyance than a real problem with the idea.
So there you have it, eventually we may only need the Pope online all day Sunday and no other priests at all.
posted by BertramWooster at 1:40 PM
5 Comments:
You're right about that whole Kozmo.com fiasco....what if we strike up some kind of agreement with Peapod.com to have the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ delivered to your doorstep by the time you are ready to go online for your E-mass? Maybe at the end of the virtual eucharistic celebration, you can download a coupon redeemable for a communion wafer at a certain location? Quiznoz's maybe? Starbucks? They have everything else these days.
-C
I like the coupon idea. The other idea I was thinking about was haivng like Costco Churches, where, once every few monthes you could go and pick up communion in bulk.
I didn't think of buying it in bulk....but in order to have all the more special, we should make it something exclusive to a store- like the Isaac Mizrahi collection at Target or Martha Stewart at the Big K.....what if we do something where you buy your communion wafers in bulk and receive free iTunes downloads for your mass hymns?
The Quiznos or the Starbuck's idea should be left for single, urban professionals (like myself) who simply do not have the need,let alone the storage space, to buy in bulk. I would also think that the wafers from Quiznos can be purchased either toasted or not...buy six, get the next one and a black angus sub free. Nice.
Crap- I hit return too early on that last post.
I also have just had another thought regarding the E-masses- just think of the marketplace expansion the Catholic Church would enjoy- finally, all of the agoraphobes and people who are so large they need reaching sticks and must have the side of their house cut away to leave (see? you should have put down that ham hock!) will be able to enjoy the spoils of the Roman Catholic Church! Yay team!
-C
That's an important point - The Catholic Church has really been missing out on morbidly obese parishoners for years (from Henry VIII to Louis Anderson, we just haven't been able to draw them)
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