Who wants to be a Holy Roman Emperor
As I embark on my AntiPoping journey, there are many dangers I will face, not the least of which is that of Vatican forces invading the Upper Eastside and taking me captive because of my usurpation of Papal power. An astute commenter (one Julian the Apostate) pointed out a means of potential defense against the hordes of the Papacy: ally myself with the Holy Roman Emperor. Of course, there being no Holy Roman Emperor at the moment is a bit of a fly in the sacramental ointment...but fear not, for solutions come to those that seek them and often involve overly elaborate plans involving lemurs, catamarans and high-explosives.
As there is no Holy Roman Emperor, the simple solution is to find one and crown him, after all one of the many powers I am currently claiming in opposition to the pontiff canonically elected is the ability to install divine right monarchs. Originally the idea of creating a Reality TV show to find a Holy Roman Emperor for me ally myself with was tossed around, but unfortunately at the moment I do not have the necessary contacts at any of the major networks (I am not having a show on UPN and that's final) to get such an idea green-lighted (speaking of which, I apparently also need to find a Holy Roman Network Executive to ally myself with, but that is a matter for another time). Therefore, I am left with but one option: use the shear awesome power of the internet and this most humble of pontifical-power-usurping blogs to find me a Holy Roman Emperor.
That's right ladies and gentlemen, its time for a blog contest, wahoo!!!! Sure other blogs have had contests, but none compare to this. Other sites have offered free t-shirts or an Amazon gift card as prizes in their contests, but I offer something much greater: the divine right to complete and absolute temporal dominion over all Christendom.
Its simple really: you swear to use your power to protect me from any and all invading Vatican forces and I will crown you Holy Roman Emperor. You let me deal with the spiritual world and I'll let you have this one. Should our spheres of influence ever come into conflict, a panel of 3 arbiters, chosen from a list of 11 retired Miss America Judges with expertise in matters metaphysical preapproved by both of us will decide the matter. And, should they be unable to reach a decision, we'll dig up Kennesaw Mountain Landis and make him decide.
The contest shall begin later this week. "Why later this week" you ask, because I'm not finished with it yet.
Should you have any suggestions on the contest, please feel free to bring them up in the comments. After all, I claim infallibility in matters of faith and morals, not internet contests.
Is this contest going to be the single greatest thing ever: PROBABLY!!!
As there is no Holy Roman Emperor, the simple solution is to find one and crown him, after all one of the many powers I am currently claiming in opposition to the pontiff canonically elected is the ability to install divine right monarchs. Originally the idea of creating a Reality TV show to find a Holy Roman Emperor for me ally myself with was tossed around, but unfortunately at the moment I do not have the necessary contacts at any of the major networks (I am not having a show on UPN and that's final) to get such an idea green-lighted (speaking of which, I apparently also need to find a Holy Roman Network Executive to ally myself with, but that is a matter for another time). Therefore, I am left with but one option: use the shear awesome power of the internet and this most humble of pontifical-power-usurping blogs to find me a Holy Roman Emperor.
That's right ladies and gentlemen, its time for a blog contest, wahoo!!!! Sure other blogs have had contests, but none compare to this. Other sites have offered free t-shirts or an Amazon gift card as prizes in their contests, but I offer something much greater: the divine right to complete and absolute temporal dominion over all Christendom.
Its simple really: you swear to use your power to protect me from any and all invading Vatican forces and I will crown you Holy Roman Emperor. You let me deal with the spiritual world and I'll let you have this one. Should our spheres of influence ever come into conflict, a panel of 3 arbiters, chosen from a list of 11 retired Miss America Judges with expertise in matters metaphysical preapproved by both of us will decide the matter. And, should they be unable to reach a decision, we'll dig up Kennesaw Mountain Landis and make him decide.
The contest shall begin later this week. "Why later this week" you ask, because I'm not finished with it yet.
Should you have any suggestions on the contest, please feel free to bring them up in the comments. After all, I claim infallibility in matters of faith and morals, not internet contests.
Is this contest going to be the single greatest thing ever: PROBABLY!!!
posted by BertramWooster at 1:46 PM
5 Comments:
If it does get to be a TV show, I want residuals and a golden bull, or at the very least be an elector, preferably archbishop of Mainz
Must the candidate be neither holy nor Roman nor an emperor?
I'm pretty sure labor law requires that I have this position open to anyone: Romans, holyies, emperors, the morbidly obese, The Petshop Boys, everybody.
OK, I am not going the feminist "womyn too" route here but, can I try out? I think I'd be a good empress of the Holy Roman Empire- I'd rule with an iron fist!!!!
-C
well, if you'll recall "Henry V", "No woman shall succeed in Salic land." Forunately I have no idea where Salic Land is, so women are absolutely welcome to try out.
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