Pope Alert - Pope Resumes Private Audiences
It is being reported that the Pope did not attend mass today, however, he "resumed his private audiences for the first time since spending 10 days in hospital earlier this month." What isn't being reported, however, is whom those audiences were with.
Now, as many of you know, in my spare time I play a little professional hockey. As such, I have access to information regarding the ongoing labor negotiations that apparently have miraculously turned for the better, thus saving the NHL season. I have it from a very reliable source (cough*keithprimeau*cough) that the turning point in the negotiations came when the Pope initiated a video conference call between the NHL and the NHLPA.
The pope started out by saying that the best way to deal with the labor dispute was abstinence. After it was explained to him that the lockout had little to nothing to do with premarital sex, he really got going (the Pope really has a thing for abstinence, I remember back in the 1980 when the Pope kept on insisting that the best way for Polish labor unions to break the chains of their communist oppressors was to avoid premarital sex. In fact, if you said Soviet Block in front of the pope before he took his meds in the 1980's, he would just go sit on the ground in the corner, rock back and forth and mutter "keep it in their pants" - an odd egg the Pope, odd egg).
Anyway, the Pope did his best to talk about the economics of the game, market fluctuations and what not, but had little success. But than at the 11th hour (well the 11th hour New York time, it was already like 5 in the morning in Rome), the Pope brought out the big guns, the most powerful weapon available to Catholics: Shame. And it worked like a charm. He started coughing and acting all weak, going off about how he's a very sick Pope and just wanted to see one more team named Stanley Cup champ before he died - I tell you, not a dry eye in the house. Within 15 minutes the two sides had agreed in principal to a plan that will save the season. And that's why 3 out of 4 Labor Dispute Arbitrators recommend the Pontiff, for all your lock-out and employee strike needs.
Now, as many of you know, in my spare time I play a little professional hockey. As such, I have access to information regarding the ongoing labor negotiations that apparently have miraculously turned for the better, thus saving the NHL season. I have it from a very reliable source (cough*keithprimeau*cough) that the turning point in the negotiations came when the Pope initiated a video conference call between the NHL and the NHLPA.
The pope started out by saying that the best way to deal with the labor dispute was abstinence. After it was explained to him that the lockout had little to nothing to do with premarital sex, he really got going (the Pope really has a thing for abstinence, I remember back in the 1980 when the Pope kept on insisting that the best way for Polish labor unions to break the chains of their communist oppressors was to avoid premarital sex. In fact, if you said Soviet Block in front of the pope before he took his meds in the 1980's, he would just go sit on the ground in the corner, rock back and forth and mutter "keep it in their pants" - an odd egg the Pope, odd egg).
Anyway, the Pope did his best to talk about the economics of the game, market fluctuations and what not, but had little success. But than at the 11th hour (well the 11th hour New York time, it was already like 5 in the morning in Rome), the Pope brought out the big guns, the most powerful weapon available to Catholics: Shame. And it worked like a charm. He started coughing and acting all weak, going off about how he's a very sick Pope and just wanted to see one more team named Stanley Cup champ before he died - I tell you, not a dry eye in the house. Within 15 minutes the two sides had agreed in principal to a plan that will save the season. And that's why 3 out of 4 Labor Dispute Arbitrators recommend the Pontiff, for all your lock-out and employee strike needs.
posted by BertramWooster at 1:52 PM
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