Pope FAQ - Papal Name

Updated April 19, 9:33pm

I would like to thank the powers that be at A Small Victory for the condolences sent our way. It is kind words like these and hard liquor that will get us through...

Updated April 19, 6:34pm

Update:

It appears as if A Small Victory is getting into the Papal name biz, too.

end update
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Q: How does a Pope choose his Papal name?

A: The new Pope pretty much has free reign as far as picking his name. He can just use his own first name, use the name of one of the previous Popes, or just come up with something new. There is, however, a significant amount of symbolic meaning held in the name of the Pope. For example, if you choose the name of the Pope that just died, you would be signifying your respect for the previous Pope, as well as the desire to continue in the direction that he took the Church; if you took the name of, say, Gregory, you might be signaling a need to restart the Inquisition; if you took Alexander as your name, you might be planning on redividing the New World between Spain and Portugal. Personally, I think the next Pope should take a chance and try something new with his name. After all, names have become much less rigid and traditional things in the last 50 or so years. I mean, come on, we live in a world with both a Dweezil and a Moon Unit Zappa, I think its about time we had a Pope with a cool name. Some suggestions:

Pope Satan I : just to mess with people.
Pope Murdoch I : really no deeper meaning here, I've just always liked The A-Team
Pope Pat or Pope Chris : androgyny in the Pope's name is the first step toward women priests
Pope Peter -1 : the absolute value of the rock of the Church
Pope Coca Cola : who needs tithing when you've got corporate sponsorship
Pope You'll go to hell if you're not Catholic : every time the Pope is mentioned, the heathen will be reminded of their fate
Biggie Pope : I love it when you call me Il Papa