Excerpts from my ongoing discussion with Jesus about the 2005 Baseball Season

On Barry Bonds's missing the first month and a half of the season

Me: So, do you think Barry will ever come back and maybe break Aaron's record?
Jesus: No, I think he's done...and, quite frankly, he was really supposed to stop about 37 homers ago, stupid steroids.
Me: Wait a minute: 703 minus 37...are you saying Barry Bonds is the AntiChrist?
Jesus: No, Yes, I mean...damn it. Look just don't tell anybody ok.

On the White Sox white hot start

Me: I don't think the White Sox can keep up this pace, especially playing small-ball.
Jesus: Ahh, but remember: He who lives by the homerun shall die by the homerun.
Me: What?
Jesus: Those that play fundamentally sound baseball shall inherit the pennant.
Me: Huh?
Jesus: Speed and defense are the rocks upon which I shall build my American League Champions.
Me: What? Are you just remixing your greatest hits with a few baseball references?
Jesus: Ask not what the White Sox can do for you, but what can you do--
Me: Hey, that's not even yours, that was JFK.
Jesus: Yes, I work in mysterious ways.


On Johnny Damon's long-haired, bearded look

Me: Dude, you totally look like Johnny Damon.
Jesus: Jerk.


On the A's struggling without Mulder and Hudson

Me: Heh, I guess Moneyball was just the Big 3, huh?
Jesus: What? I'm a Yankee fan, Dad's still a bit PO'ed about the Dodgers leaving Brooklyn and HS is more of a football fan, why would we help the A's?
Me: No, no, no. I meant Hudson, Mulder and Zito.
Jesus: Oh, sorry. I got confused. Its just, usually when people talk about the Big 3 around Me its about the whole Trinity thing.
Me: Oh. I totally didn't even think about that, I should have more clear.
Jesus: No biggie.


On Tino Martinez hitting 5 homeruns in 5 straight games

Me: Man, what's gotten into Tino lately?
Jesus: The Holy Spirit.