The Great Schism and You

Walking around the street of New York, I can't tell you how many times I have been stopped by a mother and her children and asked to explain the Great Schism to the younglings. Therefore, as a public service and hopefully to decrease greatly the amount of time I spend talking about the Patriarch Caerularius with diminutive Manahttanites, I give you:

The Great Schism and You:
A child friendly story about the separation of the Eastern and Western Churches.

A long time ago, in the faraway kingdom of Christendom, in the City of Rome there lived a handsome Pope, named Leo IX.

The Lord God, through his Son's statements to Saint Peter, had put Leo in charge of all the peoples of Christendom. Leo loved his job and he tried everyday to make sure everyone did God's will. Everyone loved Leo, too: from the big furry Scots in the North, to the lithe, tan Spaniards in the South, to the smelly, cowardly French in the West.

But to the East, at the far edges of Christendom, in a land filled with mountains, deserts and volcanoes there were a group of people called the Orthoducks. The Orthoducks lived in the city of Constantinople and had long, flat noses, feathered hair, and they quacked when they talked.

One day Leo found out that the Orthoducks were using leavened bread in Mass. Now Leo knew that this was not what the Lord wanted, so he said to them:

"Sunday is a special day.
We should all eat flat bread to pleaseth the Lord.
Its only one day, so you shouldn't get bored"

But the Orthoducks and their leader Patriarch Michael Caerularius wouldn't listen to Leo. They should and jeered at Leo, saying to him:

"We will not eat flat bread you silly old man, not even for one day.
We will eat leavened bread and dip in it wine, we don't care what you say."

Now Leo was a patient man, so he did not punish the Orthoducks, even though they were acting against the will of the Lord.

Then, a little while later, Leo overheard an Orthoduck saying the Nicean Creed. Much to Leo's dismay the Orthoduck, when speaking about the origins of the Holy Spirit said He "proceed from the Father", but said nothing about the Son.

Leo knew that this was not right; the filioque clause was a part of the Creed and the Orthoducks were just leaving it out!

Again Leo went to talk to the Orthoducks:

"When saying the Creed you must mention the Son, for He is one with the Father.

If you leave out the Son, you're doing it all wrong and shouldn't even bother."

But once again the Orthoducks would not listen and Caerularius snapped back:

"We'll say the Creed how we want, filioque or no.

Now get back to Rome you silly bozo!"

Now Leo was hurt and quite a bit mad, but he held back his tongue and forgave the Orthoducks.

Finally, in 1054, Leo found out that Caerularius was claiming to have the same power over the spiritual lives of Christendom as Leo himself. Now Leo could not stand for this. As his power and his burden came from Jesus himself, he new something must be done.

Having had no luck himself in the past, this time Leo decided to send his best friend, Cardinal Humbert, to talk to the Orthoducks.

Humpert set out, hoping to solve the problem, but when he got there, everything went wrong. When Humpert told Caerularius that only the Pope had authority over Chistendom, Caerularius started screaming:

"The Pope's not the only leader in this world.

Don't even say so, it is simply absurd.

In fact, as of today Pope Leo's rule is terminated

because as of right now, he's excommunicated!"

At this Humpert got mad, lacking the patience of Leo, and yelled back:

"You silly Orthoduck your mind must have degraded

Its not the Pope, it's you that's excommunicated!"

With that Humpert left and sailed back to Rome to tell Leo of all that had happened. But when Humpert walked into the Vatican he heard awful news: Pope Leo had died while Humpert was away.

Leo had died from a broken heart that he could not save the Orthoducks from themselves and their treacherous leader. He died from the knowledge that all their souls and the souls of their children would burn in eternal hell fire until they accepted the one true Church.

To this day the Orthoducks are still around and have not returned to the Church.

Pope Leo did all he could to try to save them, but he just couldn't do it.

Can You?