For those that do not become Holy Roman Emperor

You know what another cool job to get would be: Harbor Master of New York Harbor. You'd get to decide what ships get to go in and out and could perpetually hold ships of immigrants yearning for a new life outside the harbor, where the Statue of Liberty and the very freedom they dream of would be in view, yet just out of reach.

Even cooler, though, would be becoming the person in charge of who goes through the Panama Canal. Then, if like an Ex or your former boss showed up, captaining a large freighter, and was all "Hey, long time no see. Sooo, I've got this ship full of Ikea furniture I need to get to Japan ASAP, can I go through the Canal now?" You could be all "Ummm, yeah, sorry, but the Canal's all full up at the moment, you'll have to go around. Give the Straits of Magellan my best on your way by."

Speaking of the Panama Canal, did you know its 51 miles long, took nearly two, nonconsecutive decades to build and cost the lives of thousands of workers. Then, after all that, Jimmy Carter gave it away. God, I hate Jimmy Carter. Being Jimmy Carter would be a crappy job. No one who misses out on being Holy Roman Emperor should even consider taking a position as Jimmy Carter.