Contest Part 1 - Short Answers
Below you will find the first part of the contest: 10 short answer questions that I believe will reveal who among you is qualified to be Holy Roman Emperor and who should be an Assistant Manager at a rural Utah 7 Eleven. You may answer all of them, some of them, one of them or none of them, it is up to you. The choice of Holy Roman Emperor will not be based on how many questions you answer, but rather how you answer them (also, I assume most people really don't feel like taking the time to answer all 10 questions, Lord knows I wouldn't).
1. Do you know the lyrics to "Hold on Loosely" by .38 Special? Would you be willing to use it as the song you enter rooms to a la "Hail to the Chief"?
2. Do you have experience managing others? What is your management style?
3. If God told me, and then I told you that you needed to invade a country asap, which country would you pick and why?
4. If you had the opportunity to kill me and claim my power as well as that of Holy Roman Emperor, would you? If so, how? (please note, I will not use this information to thwart your plans, I'm just curious how you'd go about it)
5. Do you have any experience ruling over people with an iron fist by the very will of almighty God?
6. What things do you look for in an Empire to rule?
7. Boxers or briefs?
8. Who is your least favorite saint? Who is your least favorite Steeler?
9. When posing for the currency of the realm, would you go with a front view or a profile?
10. How does this job fit in with your overall career goals?
1. Do you know the lyrics to "Hold on Loosely" by .38 Special? Would you be willing to use it as the song you enter rooms to a la "Hail to the Chief"?
2. Do you have experience managing others? What is your management style?
3. If God told me, and then I told you that you needed to invade a country asap, which country would you pick and why?
4. If you had the opportunity to kill me and claim my power as well as that of Holy Roman Emperor, would you? If so, how? (please note, I will not use this information to thwart your plans, I'm just curious how you'd go about it)
5. Do you have any experience ruling over people with an iron fist by the very will of almighty God?
6. What things do you look for in an Empire to rule?
7. Boxers or briefs?
8. Who is your least favorite saint? Who is your least favorite Steeler?
9. When posing for the currency of the realm, would you go with a front view or a profile?
10. How does this job fit in with your overall career goals?
posted by BertramWooster at 12:02 PM
2 Comments:
1. No, I don't know the words, but why can't we have a song that would really get my subjects pumped- "Song 2" by Blur, "Let Me Entertain You"- by Robbie Williams, "Bring Tha Noize" by P.E. or the song that the ice cream truck plays- who doesn't love ice cream?
2. Yep- I was a camp counselor in charge of a bunch of four year old girls. I got them to do my bidding by promising we could go swimming later. If that didn't work, I imposed the dreaded "time out"
3. Not for nothing, but I'd pick the U.K. - they haven't been invaded since 1066- they're due.
4. Now, if I told you that, it would ruin the surprise.
5. See #2
6. A good sense of humour, hospitable climes, must worship the ground I walk on- those w/o thriving economies need not apply!
7. Um, neither- I'm a girl.
8. I don't have a least favourite saint. Least fave Steeler? Can I pick a former one? Kordell Stewart. Hands down.
9. Front, but kinda like those pictures from high school where your face is facing front but your body is turned, but without the lasers and roses on the shoulders
10. Well, since I want to amass a financial empire, what better way to get training to be in charge of an actual empire?
-C
1. I certainly do not, and I would resent the attempts of any damned dirty prelate to make it so. I would prefer Sympathy for the Devil
2. Apart from time spent as Tsarina Catherine of Russia and Napoleon at Longwood Medical Research facility, not much management experience besides being leader of local East Side Finance Gang chapter. My management style would fall under the it is better to be feared than loved doctrine, which worked well with my posse and not so well with the Longwood orderlies.
3. If I did not declare your imposition on my divine rule as a blasphemous overreach, I would probably go for Ethiopia, so that I could get the Ark of the Covenant and tell my enemies to look into it.
4. Yes. By going medieval on your ass - possibly via a vat of malmsey.
5. Yes. See first half of answer 2. Was also coxswain for freshmen boat in high school.
6. Widespread adherence to the principles of Caesaropapism, a pliant clergy, proximity to weaker nations, the usual.
7. No definite position pending the decision rendered by ongoing Council of Nicomedia.
8. Least favorite Saint - St. Thomas, just out of jealousy. Luckiest man ever - why can't I get proof like that?
Least favorite Steeler - Julia Child. Her QB rating singlehandedly destroyed my '98 fantasy football team, although in retrospect probably should have drafted her only after she actually signed.
9. Profile. I don't want to look fat.
10. In theory, would be a great stepping stone to my lifelong dream to be Archbishop of Canterbury. In reality, just currently need to prove am looking for work so I can keep getting the welfare checks.
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