You might be a catholic if

In honor of Jeff Foxworthy's birthday (I'm just going to assume that the people reading this are both ignorant of the date of Jeff Foxworthy's birth and too lazy to go look it up), I give you "You Might be Catholic if":

• You think everyone in the Secret Service should be Swiss.
• You believe that Microsoft Office was present with the Father at Creation.
• You fear cannibalism everytime someone asks you to be the host of a party.
• You believe in the primacy of Jim Rome.
• You insist that white shouldn't be worn after labor day, except for Christmas and the Feast of the Epiphany.
• You don't know CPR, but can perform a baptism with nothing but your own spit.
• You firmly believe the TV show Martin was heretical.
• You've been beaten by a nun.
• You've purchased a Jesus and Mary Chain album, only to be disappointed that it wasn't the rosary set to music.
• You insists that Certs are 3 mints in 1.

and finally, you might by Catholic if:

• You are not going to burn in Hell for all eternity for holding heretical beliefs like all those silly Protestants and Orthoducks.