Catholic Obligations on St Patrick's Day
Most Catholics are familiar with what is expected from them on most holidays: You should go to church on Christmas, don't eat meat on Fridays during lent, don't wear white after the Feast of the Assumption, etc.... Many Catholics, however, are unsure of their spiritual obligations for Saint Patrick's Day. Therefore, as a public service, I offer you the following list of what the Catholic Church expects from its members on St. Patrick's day:
- Now, I'm sure the first thing that popped into your head was "drink" - hahaha, real fricking funny you anti-Irish bigot, I hope you burn in hell. In fact, the first obligation of Catholics on St. Patrick's day is to "drink beer", specifically Guinness.
- If you're a midget, just go ahead and dress up as a leprechaun. Trust me, it'll save you alot of time and aggravation.
- Everytime someone says Ireland take a sip of your beer.
- If you don't have a cross, holy water or garlic, you can try using a shamrock to scare away vampires...it can't hurt.
- No martinis, or cosmos, or any such things are allowed today. No, not even if they're green, you hussy!
- If someone calls you a hussy on a website, take a sip of your beer.
- Be sure to shout out a few "Erin Go Bragh"s today and, if your name is Erin, go without a bra -- come on, its a party!
- St. Patrick's Day is not a Holy Day Of Obligation, so you don't need to go to Church. It is, however, a Holy Day of Intoxication: if you're not drunk when the clock strikes midnight, you're going to hell.
- Getting in a fist fight with anyone of English decent today is officially considered "Just War" by the Vatican.
- Unlike the other 364 days of the year, having red hair is not considered a sin today.
- If you meet someone named Seamus, finish your beer.
- Saint Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, so you should probably watch the Whacking Day episode of the Simpsons.
- If you're not Irish Catholic, you should go to your room and think about what you've done.
- There is no need to get ashes on your forehead on St. Paddy's, but its probably a good idea to sew your name and address into your underwear in case you lose them.
- If you finish your beer, take a sip of beer.
- And finally, if at all possible, convert an entire island nation to Christianity today.
posted by BertramWooster at 12:17 PM
6 Comments:
Out of curiosity, what if you are one of those truly special people who are both Irish Catholic and English Protestant? What are you supposed to do then? (my money is take a sip of beer)
-C
Technically you need to take 2 sips of beer: 1 to celebrate being irish catholic and 1 as penatence for being english protestant
or you can just have a black and tan
we're pretty flexible
Can I substitute Smithwick's for Guinness? My dad told me that if you drink too much Guinness, you'll get a hairy chest. As a girl, I would rather not have this happen to me.
Subsititutions are allowed (especially for the reason you site), but you are required to have 1.25 times as many Smithwicks as Guinnesses (just like in confession, if the priest tells you to say 2 "Our Father"s, you can say 2.5 "Hail Mary"s and get the same effect).
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